i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
