I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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