Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm like, not good at living.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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