GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
