O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
