it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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