I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
