he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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