It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
