at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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