i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize