I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
