highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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