I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
