Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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