So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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