Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
