Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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