I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
