Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
