I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
