worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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