Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
