dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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