i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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