Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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