the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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