...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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