you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
