Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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