found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
