Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
