We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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