I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is not your playground.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize