my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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