Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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