Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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