I didn't shave. On purpose
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
