just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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