No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
