Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
As shirtless as possible
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
