I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
