apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
