They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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