I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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