dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
