Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to calm my uterus...
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