your parents love me but you hate me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
