she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
