I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize