whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
