How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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