so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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