the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
