i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
