I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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