i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
