Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
