I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
