You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize