You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
