The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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