the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize