I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
