I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
